Sometimes, you just need a reminder that you were right all along

Roommate was in and out the door in a flash last night. She had semi-last minute dinner plans with Psychic Garbage Man. I was chatting with NRA Guy* during her lightning fast invasion and retreat, and I mentioned she'd abandoned me for the evening. I declined his initial invitation to his house, but we ended up agreeing to go out for sushi.

When we got to the restaurant, I had an attack of paranoia. I didn't want to go in for fear Roommate and her guy would be in there. The basis of the fear was twofold, one being that I jokingly told roommate I was going to stalk the two of them, and two being that I had a hunch Roommate would completely disapprove of my being anywhere with NRA. Of course, all this unnecessary freaking out on my part meant I had to give some sort of explanation to NRA. Obviously, he didn't like what he heard. I wouldn't have either, I'm sure. But the truth is that my friends (and even many of the random people who've stumbled across this site) are against my having anything to do with the boy. And not without reason, one could argue.

I finally retrieved a bit of sense from the recesses of my brain, and we went in. (Roommate and PGM were not present, of course.) We had a decent dinner, if a bit awkward. NRA peppered the conversation with anecdotes that illustrated what he must have wanted me to view as his unfailing honesty. Was I supposed to swoon and think he'd completely changed his lying ways in the whole six and a half weeks since I dumped him? Fear not. I did no such thing.

When we returned to my place, I couldn't help but try to assess what was going on and establish some guidelines for moving forward. I didn't consider the outing a date (which I felt I needed to clarify, since he's been telling me constantly that he misses me and since he insisted on paying for dinner). I told him what I'd tried to tell him when we broke up... that I can't just forgive and forget on command. That I have to have time to heal and work through things when I feel like someone I've let into my life has crossed me in a way that matters. That I wouldn't say we couldn't leave the future open, but that I still need space.

He seemed frustrated when I affirmed that this meant we couldn't hang out. I explained that hanging out with my friends was obviously not an option, hanging out with his friends would likely be just as awkward,*** and any time spent alone would feel too much like a date. He reiterated that he wasn't going to wait for me**** or keep pursuing me, and I told him that I didn't expect him to.

I said I didn't want to completely lose contact, but he seemed frustrated at this. Of course, he wouldn't voice his frustration. I asked him to talk to me, and he said he had nothing to say at the moment. Not wanting to rehash the BS electronic drama that followed our last face-to-face, I mentioned his tendency to try to discuss everything through IM or text or letters... anything but in person. He assured me he wasn't going to go there. (This point was pretty much moot when I noticed later in the evening that his away message was changed to something like, "Best Buddy, you were absolutely right. I will never doubt your advice again." I can't prove this was directed toward me, but I find it pretty unbelievable that he was referring to anything else.)

Overall, I think the outing was a good move. I've been feeling a bit down lately and finding myself missing NRA at the most inopportune times.***** This reiterated that he's not mature enough to handle a relationship.

I know guys and girls function differently when it comes to emotional dealings, but I'm just not going to be convinced that a relationship consisting of one-sided conversations has any chance of surviving. His argument that he needs to think about things is valid, but I could claim the same thing. I didn't go into the evening knowing how I would feel at the end of it or what I would say. I didn't even think up a spiel during dinner. It wasn't easy for me to say the things I did, but I sucked it up and did it.



* We've been in fairly regular contact since he sent the card.
** When she was leaving the house, Roommate said Psychic Garbage Man hadn't told her where they were going. I couldn't resist the urge to tease that he feared I would follow them.
*** They're his friends, after all. I hold no delusions that they would take my side in any part of the matter. If they did, what good would they be as his friends?
**** I didn't mention that I already knew he wasn't exactly 'waiting for' me.
***** Which, of course, can be described as any time...