The Slow Reach: Crazy? Maybe, but...

WARNING: Performing The Slow Reach in the presence of characters less chivalrous than Quicksylver or HIN might actually result in you having to pay for something. Be prepared for this possibility before engaging in The Slow Reach.

My buddy Quicksylver and blogger homeimprovementninja recently revealed their frustration with women they've dated (or are still dating, HIN? Hope not!) who don't even do The Slow Reach* when the bill comes. You all know what I'm talking about. It's that move you make toward your purse or wallet when you're sure the other party is going to pick up the check. You do it even if you know with utter certainty that person is not going to let you pay.

So, you may ask, what's the point? The point, dear friends, is you are making the offer. You are letting the other party know you don't expect him (or her) to pay for everything. You're saying you're willing to pick up the check every now and then. And, perhaps more importantly, you're giving the person who is actually picking up the check the chance to puff out his (or her) chest a little for having done so.

The guys have weighed in on the subject, and they say it is not a meaningless gesture.

Over a few games of pool** Friday night, Quicksylver and I discussed Go-Go Girl and The Penny Pincher, which brought us to the matter of a girl Quick dated for about three months last year. He says the girl never did one Slow Reach the entire time the two dated. After a while, this brought about resentment on his end and played a role in their split.

Of course, he said, he wouldn't have let her pay for any of the stuff anyway. He just wanted to get the offer so he could tell her no and feel more manly (or something along those lines). HIN expressed a similar sentiment in his comment on The Penny Pincher.

The desire to see The Slow Reach poses a conundrum for these guys. They can't go asking their dates to offer to pay for the check if they're just going to turn around and decline to let them do any such thing. The whole thing might sound a little crazy (and it might actually be a little crazy), but I'm siding with the guys on this one.

I have a few reasons for advocating The Slow Reach.

1. These days, assuming a guy will pay for everything makes the woman with him look like a gold digger or a wannabe princess. These things just aren't attractive.

2. If the guy actually is paying for everything, the least his lady can do is let him have the bonus of being able to tell her he's got it. (You should always thank him, too, but that doesn't provide the same ego boost.)

3. Having a penis no longer means you're the only breadwinner in a relationship. (I'm sure there are situations in which it makes sense for the guy to always pay, but I'm not going to hurt my head trying to come up with valid scenarios.) For most of us, assuming the guy will always pay for things is just holding onto an antiquated idea of how life does or should work. Sure (some) women like to be treated and (some) men like the feeling of having treated a woman, but that doesn't mean we should take for granted that a given situation will play that way.

4. Most females have 76 flavors of crazy for every new day.*** The guys in our lives have to put up with our nonsense and humor us at every turn. Even if the logic is loopy and you don't understand why they want to see it, The Slow Reach is the very least we can do in return for them sticking it out through all our insanity.

* Quicksylver gets credit for the phrase.
** "A few" meaning eight. Seven of which were counted in Belle's favor. Sorry, Quick. ;-)
*** I feel I can say this with authority because I am female and because I've witnessed enough females to know we're all somewhat "off."