Girls hatin' girls: Is he really worth it?

I found myself in a situation recently that had multiple layers of drama. I'm going to skip all the parts not essential to the theme I want to discuss here.

I accompanied Ms. Potato to a cookout at her new friends' on a Saturday night. We arrived to find the couple who owned the house, three of their female friends, and one male friend. We weren't there very long before I noticed that the females seemed quite dramatic. I assumed they would be a catty, vindictive bunch and made a mental note to watch my step around them.

The alcohol was flowing in the way that only drinking games can make alcohol flow, and tensions were soon high. One of the girls (we'll call her Latina*) had been "seeing" the only unmarried guy at the party, The Player, for a whopping five days. When we got there, both Latina and The Player were a bit tipsy, and everyone's consumption only increased from there.

Apparently, Ms. Potato's very arrival was enough to spark the drama. While she had never met The Player, he had already heard about her from an acquaintance who wasn't present for the shindig in question. As soon as the two were introduced, he began shamelessly flirting with her. Meanwhile, Latina and the other girls (save me, since I was known only as Ms. Potato's friend) were huddled up bitching about the whole situation. The Player kept up his shameless display, totally ignoring Latina and repeatedly asking for Ms. Potato's number. She kept declining to provide it.** However, being a bit of a flirt herself, she didn't quite avoid him as much as everyone would have preferred.

The night included Latina crying, passing out, being woken up, bitching and crying more... it just went on and on. The hostess of the party was angered by her friend's upset state, but she directed her anger at Ms. Potato rather than The Player. The same was true of the other girls present. I felt the negativity by proxy at first, and later was told outright that Ms. Potato needed to stop (meanwhile being instructed not to say anything to Ms. Potato. WTF? Am I supposed to communicate this message via ESP?).

All these people were supposedly adults. The Player was in his thirties. Everyone else in question aged in the mid-to-late twenties. I felt like I was surrounded by middle schoolers.

In all honesty, I'm certain I would've been pretty pissed if I were in Latina's situation. I probably wouldn't want to speak to the girl again. My bias toward women is quick to come into play if I feel I've been slighted at the outset or too early on in the game. And I hold grudges. I won't deny it.

By the same token, though, I would like to think I would have handled myself with a great deal more dignity than the Latina mustered. If a guy I was seeing showed me utter disrespect by trying to pick up another woman right in front of me, I hope I'd have the sense to drop his ass instantly. If that meant having an argument with him on the scene, so be it. We would be finished at that point anyway, and at least the people who witnessed the disrespect would know I had enough courage to stand up for myself in such a crappy situation. Even if I opted for a quieter out, I would find a way to remove myself from the situation and be rid of him forever.

The Latina did neither. She cried and whined and bitched and moaned about him not paying attention to her and who knows what the fuck else. But she still left with him. And I have little faith in her having actually cut him off after his ridiculous and unacceptable behavior.

Why is it that so many women can't seem to overcome such catty hatred for one another? Why are we so quick to jump on other women and hold grudges against them for venturing into what we perceive as our territory while simultaneously forgiving the very men who had the commitment to us in the first place? Is the sex really that good? Do we really need it that much?

I've long been baffled by this tendency to blame the "other woman" and harbor a deep, lasting hatred toward her while taking the man back and offering him utter forgiveness. Unless there are other factors at play (ie. the "other woman" is your good friend or sister), the man is the one who has broken a commitment, right? He's the one who is out trying to or succeeding in bagging other women while you're sitting around feeling hurt and neglected. And yet so many women place all their feelings of anger right there in the other woman's lap.

I'm not advocating becoming best friends with the mistress or anything of that nature (although I have heard of such things happening), I can't understand why this trend occurs. Or why, for that matter, you'd be so upset over some royal douche bag you've been seeing for all of five days. Shouldn't you be glad you found out he's an asshole player with absolutely no intention of treating you well early on than, say, nine months from now when you've seriously invested yourself in him?

And, then, too, the residual anger from the other girls is disturbing to a degree. Again, I can't say I'm innocent. If I find someone hurting a friend in a given situation, I'm not above disliking that person for their behavior. But I can also say I sometimes muster the courage to tell my friends when I think they're being idiots and drama queens. Even if I don't quite find that voice when a particular situation calls for it, I do my best not to feed into their ridiculous behavior.

Like I said, this group was high-drama from the outset, and I typically prefer not to roll in such a fashion, but I felt the events of the night were a prime example of a trend I've abhorred for a very long time.

I tried to imagine the situation in reverse. What if Latina was hitting on a Random Dude at the party? I imagine The Player would have shrugged his shoulders and let it go (they'd only been seeing each other five days, remember?). Barring that, he might've said something to her or to Random Dude. I can't imagine a situation in which The Player would've spent the majority of the night talking shit with the rest of the guys about Random Dude without taking some kind of action.

I also can't imagine a situation in which the other guys at the party would've had more than a passing interest in whatever the hell was going on with Latina, The Player and the random dude. (And, even then, I think their only interest would be in the possibility of a physical fight, not the other BS drama going on.)

Ladies, we are victims and perpetrators of hating our own gender. At least when it comes to "protecting" the men we consider our investments. We need to step back and evaluate such situations with a rational outlook before acting out our catty, passive aggressive, and, ultimately, unproductive tactics of revenge.

* This is basically all I know about her, since she gave me the cold shoulder every time I tried to strike up a conversation.
** Ms. Potato has been dating The Pilot for two years. She repeatedly told The Player she has a boyfriend, to no avail.