The Penny Pincher: Not just for classifieds anymore

A good friend, Go-Go Girl, has been out several times with a guy we'll call The Penny Pincher. Not 20 minutes into their first date, he asked how much she pulls in annually. When Go-Go told me this, my jaw dropped. I couldn't believe the audacity of this dude! I wouldn't even ask my friends their salaries, much less someone I'd just begun dating. Go-Go said she'd raised her eyebrow at the question (and declined to disclose the info), but that she really didn't think he'd meant anything by it because it made sense in the conversation they were having. Yielding to her judgment, I let the subject drop.

They've been out several times since then, I assume going Dutch each time.* Go-Go mentioned on at least one occasion that Penny Pincher is extremely conscientious about expenditures, even going so far as to call him thrifty,** but I'd nearly forgotten about his first faux pas. The boy is engaging and attractive and sometimes makes Go-Go glow, so he was racking up points in my super-secret spreadsheet rundown.

When I inquired about their most recent outing, Go-Go disclosed some information that took Penny Pincher's spreadsheet balance deep into the red. While she told me the day was lovely in nearly every way, there was one major downside. Let me preface with this: Go-Go is not a wealthy person. She's not struggling financially, but she hauls her caring soul to a non-profit every work day and brings home what you'd imagine someone working*** at such an establishment would make.

So the two spent the day together, participating in various free activities before deciding to get a bite to eat. Go-Go Girl ordered a burger and water (for a grand pre-tax/pre-tip total of about $8). Penny Pincher ordered a seafood platter (about $16) and two beers (about $10). The two split an appetizer (about $8). When the waiter brought the bill, the two continued talking, each putting a card on the table. When the waiter picked up the check and cards, Penny Pincher told him to split it. In Half. So Go-Go Girl ended up paying about $25 (with tax and tip) for a meal that should've cost her around $15 total. Penny Pincher never missed a beat.

When Go-Go told me this (and after I balked at her not chiming in to clarify what she would be paying), I pointed out that there's no way Penny Pincher didn't notice she'd essentially paid for a quarter of his meal, one of his beers, and the tip and tax on both. From what she'd told me, he's much too conscientious about money in general to have let something like that go unnoticed. She agreed that there's little chance it was oversight on his part.

Charming behavior, indeed. But wait, there's more! The two decided to go back to her place after dinner for ice cream and a movie. Penny Pincher didn't even feign a reach toward his wallet when it came time to pony up for either, so Go-Go ended up paying for the rental and the snacks, too.

I'll throw the guy one bone.**** Until relatively recently, he'd been living on his savings while looking for a job. I've been there myself (minus the savings), and I know what a strain it can be to get yourself out of the hole when you first start working. Thing is, though, I wasn't going out on dates while I was financially strapped. I'd argue that, as a female, it is more socially acceptable (historically anyway) for me to let or even expect***** a guy to pay than vice versa.

Note: I am not saying this guy had an obligation to pay for Go-Go's meal or her portion of any other part of their date. But it doesn't sit well with me that he's so comfortable letting her pick up the tab, especially this early on. Perhaps she set the standard on their first date when she paid for his drink. Perhaps he's just a miserly mooch who wants to protect his pennies in any way possible. Either way, it doesn’t bode well for his behavior to come.

I'm waiting until their next date to see if Penny Pincher offers any sort of redemption (which would likely consist of at least picking up the tab next time, or it wouldn't count in his favor on the spreadsheet). If he doesn't, I'm going to have to start my "Drop Penny Pincher" petition.

Or I could just sit the lad down and have a nice heart-to-heart with him. Perhaps he’s under some misguided direction. Hear that, Go-Go? What do you think?


* The assumption is based on the fact that Go-Go Girl actually feels bad if a date pays for her part. It also excludes her first date with Penny Pincher. Having several gift cards for the joint and being much too benevolent, Go-Go offered to pay for Penny Pincher's coffee on this outing. The boy did not decline. As far as I know, he didn’t reciprocate the action on subsequent dates either.
** I would've opted for "tight" or perhaps a more colorful adjective, but that's just me.
*** Not, of course, if you're imagining someone like Lawrence Small. Think more along the lines of her bringing home a just a portion of the 48 grand that pair of chairs cost the SOB.
**** But I'm going to revoke it immediately. It's just not my style to give anyone a real chance in this forum.
***** I don't expect guys to pay for me on dates. I usually split the tab or pay for at least part of a date. If a guy is insistent, I've given up on fighting, but I always at least offer. Sincerely.