Lesson One: Pay Attention to Your Date
Roommate keeps jokingly saying I should have a workshop on dating for guys.
1.) Nothing whatsoever qualifies me to a.) say what would make a guy appealing to a girl * or b.) speak to what women want from men on a universal scale,** and 2.) I suck at public speaking. So while I don't plan on renting out an auditorium and billing myself as a professional giver of advice, I am going to delineate the finer points of The-Workshop-That-Will-Never
Lesson One: Pay attention to your date (and show her you're doing so).***
Seems simple enough, right? Too bad a good number of guys appear clueless about showing they are conscious of and conscientious about the women they are with. Let's take a look at a few examples gleaned from actual dating situations, shall we?
The Scenario: Guy and Girl are at the liquor store. Girl carries two bottles. Guy remains empty-handed.
The Problem: Guy is not paying attention to Girl! Guy is empty-handed!
The Solution: Guy offers to carry at least one bottle, if not both.
The Scenario: Girl is cold.
The Problem: Guy is not paying attention to Girl! Girl is cold!
The Solution: a.) Guy gives Girl jacket/sweatshirt/blanket/hand warmers/gloves/etc.; b.) If possible (and appropriate), Guy offers to change venue/adjust thermostat/build fire/etc.; c.) Guy gives Girl warm embrace.****
The Scenario: Girl is cold. Guy hands her jacket. Girl, having a purse and a bag and a coffee and who-knows-what-else in her hands, looks to Guy. Guy stands there. Girl puts purse, et al, down in parking lot/on sidewalk/in grass so she can put on jacket.
The Problem: Guy is not paying attention to Girl! Guy is empty-handed! Girl's purse is on the dirty, oily asphalt! *****
The Solution: Guy sees Girl has stuff in hands. Assuming he hasn't just tossed a poncho over her head, Guy offers to hold Girl's things while she puts on jacket. (Bonus points if Guy does not balk at holding Girl's purse for 3.6 seconds while she puts on said jacket.)
The Scenario: Guy and Girl exit Metro train. Guy is in the lead. Girl's travel is impeded by foot traffic from every direction. Guy is nearing the top of escalator before Girl steps onto it.
The Problem: Guy is not paying attention to Girl! Guy is no longer with Girl!
The Solution: When stepping off the Metro train, Guy glances behind him to make sure Girl is with him. If she is not by his side, he waits for her before stepping onto escalator.
The Scenario: Guy and Girl are entering/exiting establishment. Guy enters/exits first. Guy lets door close behind him.
The Problem: Guy is not paying attention to Girl! Girl feels as if she might as well not be with Guy. Any random stranger can let a door slam in Girl's face as she walks in/out behind him. Many random strangers are more considerate of Girl's presence than Guy and hold said door until she passes through.
The Solution: Guy holds door for Girl, whether so she can enter first (the hold) or just so she doesn't have to re-open it (the prop).
I could go on and on, but I'm hoping you get the general idea. It's not rocket science. Pay attention to Girl and to your surroundings. Anticipate what actions on your part might help Girl out in some way. Do (at least some of) those things.
I'm guessing at least one person reading this is screaming at his/her monitor: "It's 2007! Gender roles have been redefined! Guys don't have to do that stuff anymore!"
Well, I agree with you. Partially. You're right in that Guys don't have to do anything to show they're paying attention to the girls they're with, as is evidenced by the ridiculous number of guys still getting dates/laid despite their lack of attentiveness.
Moreover, ladies don't need guys to do any of this stuff for us. If we're at the liquor store alone, we'll carry two or three (or four or six...) bottles without thinking twice about it. If we were Girl Scouts, we'll always come prepared for the weather. If not, we'll beg, steal, borrow, or flash our boobs for a sweatshirt when we're too cold to deal. We'll put the coffee on the Beamer next to us in the parking lot, set the bag on the ground, and place the precious purse between our knees****** as we add a layer of outerwear. Assuming we aren't tourists, we know how to navigate the freakin' Metro, dammit. We'll open the door for ourselves without giving it a second thought (and maybe even do the prop for the dude behind us, if we're feeling benevolent).
The point is not that we need a guy to do any of this stuff. The point is that his doing these little things that are a step above Average Male Dater's******* Modus operandi shows that Guy is paying attention to Girl.
Stay tuned for the next installment of The-Workshop-That-Will-Never
* Because I'm completely schizophrenic in this respect; two guys who seem to behave in the same manner and/or have the same characteristics will not necessarily pull the same level of interest from me. [up]
** If I started speaking for all women, I'd probably be tarred and feathered by a good many of my "sisters" before the close of the business day. I don't pretend to know what every woman wants. Hell, I barely even know what I want from one minute to the next. [up]
*** This should go both ways, Ladies, but I'm working under the assumption that The-Workshop-That-Will-Never-Be is for men (or, errr, would be for men, if it were to be). [up]
**** Option c should only be employed if a.) Girl is a willing recipient of long embrace from Guy, or b.) the lives of Guy and Girl literally depend on it.[up]
***** Gentlemen, for many women the purse is sacrosanct. Such a trespass on your part might never be forgotten or forgiven.[up]
****** We probably won't put the purse between our knees if we're on a date and Guy is not holding it for us, namely because doing so will make us look incredibly goofy.[up]
******* Average Male Dater, here, refers more to those in their 20s than guys with a bit more age and/or experience. And just because I said "Average" doesn't mean I think all males in their 20s fall into this category. And just because I said it refers more to guys in their 20s doesn't mean guys who don't fall into that age group are all completely innocent of infractions of inattention.[up]
5 comments:
Dear Belle,
Is it rude to double dip, one's chips?
Quick: With you, I don't so much mind... now if you haven't washed your damn hands, I don't want you having any of my chips in the first place. :)
But, yeah, as a rule, it's rude.
Good Points, at least in the beginning care and concern should be paramount.
I love this list, it is so awesome! :)
The point is, these things aren't something that are required to be done because of pre-defined gender roles. They are things to be done in normal consideration for another human being, who assumedly you are supposed to be at least pretending to like.
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