Some Notes on the Office Move
- Changing one address to another on 400+ pages of my company's extremely convoluted Web site is slightly more therapeutically mind-numbing and less annoyingly nerve-wracking than I initially predicted. I will probably be at this for the better part of the week.
- Despite the office move being delayed numerous times for a total of several months, not one of the floors of our new space is what we can call, um, completely finished. The construction workers are still wearing hard hats. Walking through a space with no ceiling tiles a bit ago, I wondered if I should be as well.
- Our new phone system is super sleek and cool. Unfortunately, we weren't given adequate instructions for using the phones or the system. My boss hung up on someone I was talking to today when he pointed to a button on the super sleek and cool phone (which is, apparently, highly touch-sensitive). And after attempting to enter my extension and password several times, I locked myself out of my voicemail account. So much for keeping up business as usual.
- Our nifty balcony seating area is completely closed. My prediction for its opening? No sooner than the time the leaves start falling.
- My cube* is located just at the entrance of our department. By the doors nearest the elevator. Already nearly everyone who has walked through the door has described to me, in detail, their technical problems. I never have the answer. Ever. I've been requesting a different cube since before the move. There are empty cubes. I am not allowed to move. I'm am not a happy camper.
- The new seating location also puts me just around the corner from a man who's always telling me how sexy I am. How fine. And how he'd say all kinds of things to me if he weren't married (which he then proceeds to say anyway). He's been in my cube no less than 10 times already today. I don't foresee that volume decreasing any time soon.
- The bathrooms have full walls and doors instead of stupid stalls where the person next to you is always trying to quietly take a shit and you always find yourself looking over at her shoes and thinking, Why'd I have to look so I'd know who that is? Now I'll just be weird around her all day.
- Above the toilet, there are two silver buttons. One looks slightly different than the other. After my initial response, which was something akin to Sylvester Stallone's character's reaction to the three seashells in Demolition Man,** I tried each of the buttons. They both just flush the damn thing. So I ask you, what's the point?
On the elevators, specifically:
- Of our six elevators, only two will stop on my floor, only one will go to the floor below me, and only three will go to each of the remaining floors. The same elevators don't go to all those floors, though. I've done the elevator hop 10+ times already today, opting for the stairs almost each of those times after the second elevator wouldn't accept my destination.
- One of our floors lacks elevator call buttons. The ingenious construction workers have a system for this. They simply stand at an elevator's doors and shout the floor's number out. Another worker on another floor will send an elevator up to them. My coworkers and I are less swift; we've been using the stairs.
- We were told before the move that we'd have to use our newfangled key fob thingies*** to get the elevators to go to our specific floors. On my many trips to the various unfinished floors this morning, I dutifully carried my newfangled key fob thingy with me. My colleagues gave me odd looks. The more outspoken pointed at me and laughed. You don't need that, Belle. Why are you carrying it around?!? When I went down for my first smoke break of the afternoon, I was informed that the elevators had been reprogrammed. We now do, in fact, need our newfangled key fob thingies to get to our specific floors. Guess who'd succumbed to peer pressure (and, perhaps, early-onset Alzheimer's) and left her newfangled key fob thingy on her desk?
* The new, PC term for our cubes are "modular units" or some such nonsense. I refuse to participate in the delusion. It's a cube, people.
** Oh, shut up.
*** My company owned the last building we were in, and our staff comprised the majority of people in the office. Security was much less an issue than it is in the new place, which we will (eventually) share with others. I've used access cards and key fobs at other jobs. Many of my coworkers seem befuddled by the additional security measures.
4 comments:
A couple things belle has left out about the wonderful new way too much like walking into a ikea ad of a building:
1. If I hear "ay mami" one more time from these guys on drywall stilts, im going to break knee caps.
2. These "fobs" you speak of are an ugly grey. They should come in colors to match my outfits.
3. Belles cube DOES have an alarm, if you stand behind her for too long, you get called out by a buzzing sound.
4. Even though Belle works in the technology department, and is wearing a super cute dress today, she was, however, forced to hook up her own computer.
5. The cool, new fangled phones only work HALF of the time. HALF of the time they drop calls and then people call back and bitch you out, then you have to explain to them that its a new system and blah blah. Its crap.
6. Belle has failed to notice that this company is owned by Nazi Lobbyists. I have caught on...I am sooo on to you people.
7. The desks in the cubes are crooked-which really would not bother a regular person, but I suffer from a little case of OCD. This too, is crap.
8. There was no creamer for the coffee this morning.
9. One of the elevators is still lined in plywood and covered in plastic. Makes you feel all warm and fuzzy inside.
10. There is no file space. This does not effect Belle, but for someone who directly deals with filing all day long, I had to sprint around with Post-Its and a Sharpie this morning labeling file cabinets before the other Nazi's on my floor stole them.
11. Everything else was true people. So sad that a non-profit spends all its money on new-fangled phones and fobby things-as well as a really cool lady who doesnt speak english who tells you where to park in the parking garage.
Good job Belle.
The two buttons that flush the toilet... One uses less water than the other. You're supposed to use it when you piss.
As for your cube... bad cube locations suck. Use the guy as an excuse to move. You shouldn't have to put up with his shit.
The new seating location also puts me just around the corner from a man who's always telling me how sexy I am.
This isn't really on the same level as setting up your voicemail. You've gotta set down the ground rules from the start or else he'll keep doing this. Some of us men see "not saying anything" as misguided encouragement.
Next time he comes over, scratch your crotch and say, "Damn STDs." He'll leave you alone.
My guess on the two buttons by the toilet is that one is for a "low" flush and the other is for a more forceful flush. This is common in Europe and saves water.
Also, the creepy guy who is sexually harassing you? Please tell him to stop, that he is making you uncomfortable, etc. Then, stop talking to him. (Report him to HR if necessary, but I'd use that as a last resort, not as a threat.)
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