On Second Chances

Now for another exciting round of “Get to know The Four-Man Plan”…

The Two-Date Minimum

Why go out on a second date if you felt no sparks? If he dropped spaghetti down the front of his shirt, and you think he’s a total slob? If you have serious reservations about his gaming habits? If you’re three inches taller than him in flats? If you two had less engaging conversation than a couple of monks who’ve vowed silence?

I’ll give you a quote from Boy Blue: “You should try everything twice, because the first time you might be nervous or go to a crappy restaurant or have other things on your mind or…”

Cindy Lu, it seems, agrees: “To examine each specimen, you will need a control sample and a test sample. Therefore, The Plan requires a minimum of two dates per Plan Man, whether you like him or not.”

I think they’re right, you know. There’s always that ‘if’ factor the first time you do anything. It starts at birth (or before, who knows?) and never seems to stop.

We all fell flat on our faces about a zillion times before we mastered the art of sitting up, the art of walking. And who didn’t scrape knees and elbows umpteen thousand times when learning to ride a bike? And, hey, none of us were masters the first time we did The Do.

And if we’d all stopped after that first time of imperfection because it wasn’t the most comfortable thing in the world? Because we weren’t instantly gratified?

Well, really, none of us would be here to enjoy sitting down to eat a scrumptious meal, or meandering down the sidewalk, or cycling through the city chuckling at the fools stuck in traffic. Or, yanno, Doin’ It. (‘Cause, hey, without The Do, none of us would even be here. Get it?)

So, anyway, the point of going on second dates with guys who didn’t achieve the most stellar ratings the first time ‘round is to give the whole endeavor a bit of balance. A chance to take off, if you will.

The 4MP allows no instant write-offs for lack of instant gratification.*

* It does, however, allow instant write-offs for guys who creep you out, as well as a few other things.

The Wordsmith

The Google Maps, oh how you do me wrong…

I left my place to meet The Wordsmith with twice estimated travel time and hit no traffic. But The Google Maps doesn't seem to understand the distinction between N. Patrick and N. Henry, and I found myself driving 'round and 'round the same block, saying to myself, "I know it's here somewhere…"

After making that block three times, I spotted a cop sitting in his car, windows down. From three lanes away, I received directions from one of our uniformed protectors. (Much obliged, Officer. I believe today you also served.)

The Wordsmith was incredibly cool with my late arrival (only 6 minutes past the mark, but first-date tardiness is really inexcusable). He'd nearly finished his espresso by the time I arrived at the kitschy coffee spot he'd picked, so when he suggested dinner at the restaurant across the way, we went for it.

His thoughtfulness and courtesy toward strangers made me smile. When I told him how considerate I thought his actions, he shrugged and said, "It doesn't cost anything." The self-described Yankee has many a Good Ol' Southern Boy beat in the chivalry department.

Conversation picked up after dinner when we returned to the aforementioned kitschy coffee spot for dessert. Politics and theory and ranting about the faults of the world in general get this boy's motor running, apparently. I have little to weigh in with of the informed variety on the first and second subjects, but the third is right up my ally. And so it went.

In and out in two hours. A nice time, to be sure. The Wordsmith is well-spoken, educated, courteous, polite, thoughtful, and pleasing to the eye, among other things.

He texted me not too long afterward with a little self-deprecation and positive commentary on the evening. He didn't mention going out again, but I suspect he'll get around to it. If he doesn't, Lu's 4MP has a rule to address it: I must get in touch with him. (Barring creepiness, there's a two-date minimum on this here plan, y'all.)

So… The Mantris, The Mantris…

Boy Blue Gets Halved

Boy Blue and I met for our third date to savor a lengthy and delicious dinner and take an evening stroll around the monuments.

The previous weekend, he'd been on a trip with his family. As if our daily communication wasn't enough to let me know I had been on his mind, he made sure to reiterate the point, both verbally and with a gift.

He'd been on my mind, too.* But I hadn't made any decisions. This was, after all, only our third date. And some little birdies** reminded me that that's pretty freaking soon to be making any commitment decisions. (Like, yanno, meeting his entire family and the like.)

That said, I'll admit to you (just as I admitted to Boy Blue) that I waffled on the subject of accompanying him to his sister's wedding. Even went so far as to tell a few people I was probably going to go.

But then, I consulted The Four-Man Plan, and, like, duh! Lightbulb!

I SUCK AT LOVE.

So, pretty much, I'm all-in on the 4MP, 'cause heretofore, I've always made very bad decisions about everything involving boys and romance. Pretty much every time. Yep. Can't think of one shining example of me not being a total failure in that department.

Anyway, point being... I decided not to put myself in a situation where Bad Belle has any say over what my vagina and I are doing. In case you hadn't noticed, that Belle girl is seriously bad fucking news. And, chances are, if sharing a room with him for the weekend, she'd be all over Boy Blue like white on rice. Or something like that.

So... yeah.

Back to Boy Blue. He told me, unprovoked, that he decided to throw his "stupid rules" (aka - The Five-Date Thing) out the window because I'm worth getting to know on my terms. Awesome.

The night was filled with some other awesome things, but I'ma save 'em for me and that gray matter behind my grinning mug.

Wait, NO!

Let me clarify. According to the 4MP/Lu Smack-Down Laws, Boy Blue is now, officially, a Half Man.

Translation:
1. He made it to date #3.
2. We're planning to see one another again.
3. He knows I'm dating other guys. ("Just do me one courtesy... if you get to the point that you see I'm not in the running, let me know.")
4. He did NOT utter the L-word. (Whew.)
5. He did NOT make the acquaintance of The Twins.

Plans for now with Boy Blue include an upcoming lunch date (more likely two) and a date of my choosing. (Since, yanno, he planned the last one, and I'm all about the balance.) There is also talk of a weekend trip in September that does not involve meeting his family. No commitment from yours truly yet, but I'm excited...


* Mamacita Bano will tell you just how much. But then you have to tell me. She likes to hold drunken-Belle ramblings over my head for as long as possible.
** Namely:
- You, dear readers,
- One bona-fide love doctor, aka Cindy Lu
- Oh, and... pretty much everyone else to whom I'd mentioned Boy Blue

Down One on the Mantris

So, here's an admission. I read The Four-Man Plan* for the first time, oh, approximately a year ago. And I'd been basically operating from memory and handy glossary terms as I was re-perusing it in the midst of all this living and dating and working and whatnot. I just finished getting through the final chapters on my commute one morning last week.

I subsequently had to fire Vagabond Vance. (Well, at least put him on temporary/indefinite leave without pay… or benefits.)

See, Cindy Lu's got this whole "Chick's Chick" (ie. a Chick who respects all women's relationships) and "Dick's Chick" (erm, the opposite of that other one) thing.

Damn you, Cindy Lu, and your rules! (Just kiddin'. I need 'em... obviously.)

So, yeah. No second date for this guy until he's officially divorced. Which he said will be in a few months (something about amenable divorces having a waiting period... I dunno. I might've zoned out when the ex-factor came into play).

[Oh, as an aside, I had to tell Vagabond Vance via email that I would not be joining him on the two (!?!) dates he was planning for us and why I would not be joining him. He had never given me his damned number. Ca-razy!]

Anywho, this whole Chick's Chick thing? Kinda new territory for me. But, what can I say? I suck at love...

Vagabond Vance accepted my decision to hold off on dating until those loose ends have been secured. He even thanked me (!?!) for my frankness and expressed his respect for my Chick’s Chick-ness. (Yah! Methinks Lu is definitely on to something here…)

He did request that I remain open to the possibility of hanging out as friends. I said I would consider it, but I shall proceed with caution.

* It's a fun read, by the way. Lu isn't gushy or preachy, but straight up and foul mouthed... my kind of lady.

Unconventional Conventions

Uncertain of our ability to spot one another in a crowd, he told me he'd be wearing a pink tuxedo shirt, black vest, and black pants. I donned a black cocktail dress, diamond tennis bracelet, and my sexiest black stilettos.

And I met The Butler at Dairy Queen.

Getting dolled up for ice cream was a quirky little two-fold treat. I liked that his suggestion turned the mundane into an event, of sorts.

The date was fine. Not stellar, not bad in any way. Just fine.

We parted with a handshake after about an hour so I could meet some friends for drinks. He said he'd be in touch, (and so, to the Mantris he goes).

And, yes... he really is a butler.

Vagabond Vance: Getting into the Game

Glistening a bit and slightly out of breath from general hustle and outdoor exertion, I pushed through the revolving doors of our designated meeting place. Scanning the sparsely populous room, I zeroed in on the lone guy reading a book and headed his way.

Vagabond Vance was actually better looking in person than in his pictures. (I had to bite my tongue on mentioning that one.) He'd invited me out for coffee, but we ended up ordering dinner and chatting about random things.

I'm not sure how VV perceived the date. He's been out of the game for quite some time. Well, actually, he never really was in the game. Until about three months ago, he told me, he'd been with the same woman for more than a decade. Currently separated, the divorce is in the works.

While I had a perfectly pleasant time with him, I thought we had ventured into more friendly, less romantic territory by the end of the evening. (That's what happens when you start talking about other dating scenarios on a first date...)

Anyhow, we parted ways with a less-than-satisfying hug*. Vagabond Vance said he'd had a great time, but he didn't ask me out again.

He followed up via email bright and early the next morning to say he'd had fun and hoped to see me again and mentioning something we could do together. Ms. Lu advocates date two, so I'll accept and we'll see where it goes from there.

FYI, we've got an updated Mantris Graph here... Boy Blue and Vagabond Vance now both officially qualify as Quarter Men. (Stay tuned for the addition of Bachelor #3.)


* I really, really like hugs. Long-lasting, tight-gripped hugs that envelop you. And this hulking guy had exactly the right frame for that kind of hugging. But he didn't really deliver. Sad for me. I need more hugs in my life.

Embarking upon a Romantic Science

So, you'd like to know more about Cindy Lu's Four-Man Plan, eh? (Oh, you didn't? Well... you're kind of in the wrong spot at the moment... But, really, stay... have a listen. It's interesting at least.)

So, this is the thing about The Four-Man Plan: A Romantic Science... It's a plan. With rules. And a graph. And I don't think I'm at liberty to give all of it away (Ms. Lu might actually, yanno, like to sell some books or something), but I want to share what's needed for you, dear readers, to understand what it is I'm doing, exactly.

First, like I said, there are rules. And a graph. For starters, you're supposed to fill up the damned graph with damned menfolk. You pretty much do this by accepting all social invitations and date invitations. (I am, of course, vetting dudes online, for the most part and for the sake of speeding this graph-filling along.)

Witness, Belle's current Mantis Graph:


(Not very impressive, you say? Give a girl some time, geez!)

Essentially, the Four Man Plan allows room for, well (duh) four men. But the tricky part comes in when deciding what classifies some dude as a bona fide man. Already proving herself much more discerning than yours truly, Ms. Lu doesn't give just any human of a certain age and possessing testicles that distinction on face value. (Luckily, she has some pretty straightforward guidelines to help ne'er-do-well daters, such as myself, figure that part out.)

First and second dates are considered Quarter Men. (See Boy Blue, above, all by his lonesome.) If I only wanted to see first and second dates in my chart, there would need to be 16 of them to fill all those other squares and satisfy Ms. Lu's demands. (Quite a lot to ask, no?)

Upon a third date and the revelation that you're dating other people, said Quarter Man moves up to the Half Man territory. (Thereby taking up one half of one quadrant, see?) And there are more steps to the moving up (Whole Men and Two and a Half Men, oh my!), which I'll get into when they become relevant.

For now, I've got to get to work on those other 15 quadrants...

I have two more first dates slated this week (and a couple more to come next week). I'm going to be a naughty girl and meet Boy Blue for lunch today (moving right along on his way to a Half Man, seeing as date #3 is already scheduled...), then I have coffee plans with another schmo* tonight, and ice cream plans with another tomorrow.


* I can't even believe I'm doing this, but I'm going to go ahead and justify before my lovely commenters get in on the action... He seems to be a perfectly nice guy, and I really don't consider him a schmo at all... it's a word of the moment, at best. Geez... give a girl a break...

Some Rules of Engagement

So, we're about a week into this dating site membership, and I'm going back and forth via email (and, on rare occasion, chat) with several guys. I've been out with one of them, and my calendar reflects a few more meetings lined up for the next week.

I'm playing by some (loose) rules on the correspondence front for the moment, which include (but are not necessarily limited to):

- I respond to messages that include: appealing substance, an adequate exhibition of wit and/or intelligence, and/or a reasonable amount of intrigue.

- Most of my former dealbreakers (excluding those involving safety, creepiness, or wearing a chain) are currently considered inadmissable for the purpose of opting out of pre-date communication [and initial (1-2) date(s)].

- I do not respond to any message on the same day, but I respond to all messages (that warrant responses) within a day or two.

- If a guy stops contacting me, I do not attempt to revive communication.

- If a guy creeps me out, I cease communication immediately.

- If a guy doesn't creep me out and finds the nerve to ask me out, I accept.

- I'm not pussyfooting around anything this time 'round. No finessing any facts or fine-tuning self-portrayal for the sake of glittering myself up. And no apologies. I am who I am, and they get what they get... take it or leave it.

I'm also a bad blogger who received a book for review many months ago and (gasp!) has yet to review it. As of now, though, I'm officially following The Four Man Plan, by Cindy Lu. We'll consider it a social experiment of sorts, and the review will be chronicled in the results of this endeavor.

More to come on Ms. Lu's Plan and Belle's new venture onto the dating scene...