That's a Lame Excuse for a Parable, Strauss

DISCLAIMER: Feeling extreme angst and moderate hatred toward males while writing this. Probably not giving it a fair chance. Definitely don't give a shit.



The Rules of the Game is actually a sleekly-packaged set of two books.

The first, the little white book, is The Stylelife Challenge, source of the daily assignments meant to mold a mere mortal man into that exalted being known as a Pickup Artist.

The little black book, The Style Diaries, contains stories from Neil Straus's many, many (many) hookups. I'm getting the feeling that it stands apart from his earlier PUA novel, The Game, in that it's almost an apology. Almost.

It's actually a pretty weak series of fabled stories meant, as I understood it, to be taken as Strauss's attempt at fleshing out the cliche, "With great power comes great responsibility."

So, hey, kudos to Strauss for trying in some small way to mitigate the potential damage visited upon countless women with this PUA business.

But if that is, in fact, Strauss's intent, I'm giving him a failing grade.

The book begins and ends with details from conversations between Strauss and his guru. In the preface, Strauss writes:

"I don't want to just offer you a self-help book and tell you that, if you follow it, in thirty days your life will be perfect. There's another side to the game: the destructive side. And, the more successful you are, the more you're going to rub against it."

Okay... So far, so good, right? I mean, you leave that kind of point-blank author-to-reader (mentor-to-pupil?) straight talk feeling like you're going to get some valuable, life-altering insight into why you should play The Game with caution, right? At least that's what I thought.

Unfortunately, the 11 stories illustrating the Rules of The Game fall incredibly short of the hard-hitting lessons I was expecting. Hoping for.

The stories are slightly pathetic and, somehow, simultaneously narcissistic.

I'll give you a synopsis.*

Rule 1: You don't choose who you fuck. Your penis does.
Synopsis: Strauss fucks broke down old broad. Old broad gets a makeover. Strauss thinks, momentarily, he's the Redeemer of Fuck. Then he's grateful to the old broad for teaching and/or giving him something I failed to grasp.
Belle's take: Your penis is stupid. And you're no Redeemer of Fuck. Get the fuck over yourself. She had a pee bag, for fuck's sake.

Rule 2: You're only as strong as your weakest link.
Synopsis: Strauss fails as wingman.
Belle's take: Boo-fucking-hoo. That guy wasn't even a good friend of yours anyway. And the chick you were supposed to bang was already knocked up by some other creep. So you and your boy don't get laid for one night. Get over it.

Rule 3: Game knows no bounds, geographical, religious, or otherwise.
Synopsis: Strauss goes to Muslim country. Gets played by Muslim broad.
Belle's take: Again. Boo-fucking-hoo.

Rule 4: Look before you leap.
Synopsis: Strauss fucks sisters (separately). Chooses younger, virginal one. Seems to think this action on his part, in essence ruined life of older, slutty sister.
Belle's take: Get the fuck over yourself. If that girl was going to marry a meth-head loser and throw away her life, she was going to do it (or something equally stupid) whether you fucked her sister or not.

Rule 5: You make your own reality.
Synopsis: Strauss meets women. Gets head. Has threesome. Meanwhile, Debbie Downer chick keeps herself down by generating negative self-fulfilling prophesies.
Belle's take: Maybe Strauss is onto something with the Debbie Downer chick. She seems to create a seriously negative vibe around herself and run people off. At least I'd want to run away.
But I'm missing exactly how Strauss and/or The Game fit into this scenario. He didn't make these women who they are. And, from his telling of the story, he didn't do much to make anything happen while he was with them, other than to show up and participate. So that makes him, what? A pawn in someone else's game? Poor, threesome-having baby!

Rule 6: Think positive, but have an escape plan.
Synopsis: A good little church girl falls in love with Strauss via email. When she comes to visit, he rustles up his conscience and manages to not take her virginity. Tries to let her down gently.
Belle's take: Good job, Strauss. Seems like you dusted off the conscience prior to the exploitation this time. Kudos. Really.

Rule 7: Obstacles can turn into the keys you need.
Synopsis: Strauss interviews old guy. Old guy's granddaughter is hawt. After much fancy footwork, Strauss manages to bang hawt granddaughter. Old guy bursts in on them in bed together and has a hearty guffaw. Strauss has bonding moment with old guy.
Belle's take: Old guy is a creepy, skeevy, disgusting man, obviously licking his lips while fantasizing about his hawt but untouchable granddaughter.

Rule 8: It's okay to let your emotions have a say every once in a while.
Synopsis: Strauss meets woman on foreign street, they let drunk guy "marry" them. Wait, was he a real priest? "Newlyweds"(?) form a "real connection." Strauss doesn't get her last name. Exalts fake, untraceable wife to pedestal. Randomly runs into and subsequently fucks fake wife a year later on domestic soil. Still doesn't bother to get her name.
Belle's take: Oh, come now. "The problem with 100% perfect love is that sometimes it's inconvenient."?!? Please. You told her a sappy "Serendipity" story to try to get into her pants, forgot your place, and started believing it yourself. What's convenient, really, is that neither of you could ever contact each other to see if this 100% perfect "love" could stand the test of, oh, I dunno, let's say a 24-hour period.

Rule 9: Without trust, there is no love.
Synopsis: Strauss really likes girl. Girl has pregnancy scare. Strauss suddenly remembers how clingy and jealous she's been of late. Realizes he couldn't possibly commit further to clingy, jealous girl.
Belle's take: While I agree with the sentiment of the actual rule, I think the story of Strauss deciding the relationship's inevitable, impending doom in the midst of this potential crisis (and subsequently, strangely, deciding to use this story to illustrate this particular rule) just highlights that he's an irresponsible creep who isn't ready or willing to face any consequences for his actions.

Rule 10: Temptation is a bitch.
Synopsis: Strauss, in a seriously misunderstood attempt to achieve some kind of enlightenment or clarity or whatever-the-fuck (He doesn't even know what he's looking for. How should the reader?), vows not to ejaculate for 30 days. Women come out of the woodwork wanting to fuck him. To torture him. Ever the considerate being, he offers his them his services, minus the final act. He has phone sex, he fucks women, he even attempts a threesome. But no orgasm for him. (Still not sure what the big deal is... Women have been managing this for untold ages...)
Until, that is, the 11th day. Then he just has to ejaculate during phone sex to salvage the ego of the woman he's had an entire relationship with OVER THE PHONE. The Lesson? If you're going to give up alcohol for Lent, it's probably best you don't hang out in the bar every goddamn night.
Belle's take: No shit, asshole. But what are you really telling your readers? Oh, that's right. Just look to the end for that answer... "I am an addict. I am a man." So, you're saying men can't possibly practice self-restraint because you have penises? It's not a choice; it's an addiction. Perfect! Instant absolution for every cheating man out there. You NEED sex. And not just any sex, but sex with as many women as possible. And so you shall have it. Thanks to your oh-so-helpful book, women everywhere get it now. You'll have no more pesky requests for monogamy from us. Promise.

Rule 11: You're probably going to die alone.
Synopsis: 1. She loves me gently, sweetly, patiently. I feel trapped. Must escape. 2. She loves me passionately, greedily, angrily. I feel trapped. Must escape. 3. Shit. I'm going to die alone.
Belle's take: Well, really, I think you said it all this time, didn't you, Mr. Strauss?

In the postface, Strauss is back with the guru guy, who ends up imparting what is, quite possibly, the only worthwhile lesson in the whole book.

It is essentially this:

You worked hard to become a successful Pickup Artist. If you don't want to die alone, you have will have to work just as hard, if not harder, to develop and maintain a life-long relationship.

Alternately, you can continue playing The Game forever and hope that last fling before you get your own pee bag is saddled with her own guilty conscience and ends up sticking around.

Your choice.



* The "Rules" listed here are merely bastardized restatements of Strauss's. I don't want any trouble from the plagiarism police.