Playing The Game
So, I don't know much about the pickup artist game. Just what I've randomly encountered on various blogs and some tidbits that come back to me now and again from a British documentary I watched a while back.
But I get a bad taste in my mouth when I think a guy's pulling PUA tricks on me. Because, obviously, I'm a big ol' hypocrite.
It's okay for me and countless other women to read countless books and magazines that tell us how to land the man of our dreams, but guys can't follow the advice of a guy who offers to help them with "approaching and attracting women of quality"?
Yeah, I know. Lotsa guys use this PUA business to put notches on their bedposts.
Heeeellllllllooooooo??? Belle? What are you, some kind of freakin' nun? Yeah, mmm, notsomuch.
So the other day I'm chatting with a friend/former lover who's lamenting his lack of luck with the ladies. We're both wondering what the hell is going on.
I mean, for all intents and purposes, the guy's a pretty good catch. He's got good looks, great hair, personal style, a respectable job. He's tall, he's fit, he's nice, he's funny, he's a good friend, he gets out, he has one of the coolest cats I've ever met...
And, yet, advance after advance meets rejection after rejection. Methinks it's because he's a little shy. A little slow out of the gate. By the time he gets to know a gal he fancies and works up the courage to ask her out, she's given up on him ever showing any interest and firmly placed him in the friend category.
So, anyway, I'm not in proximity to offer my buddy anything more than a friendly suggestion.
I tell him he should get Rules of the Game and give his advice a try.
Him: Is he that douchebag pickup artist jerk?
Me: Technically, yeah. But I don't think you HAVE to be a douchebag to play the game. Just seems most guys who do, are.
After a little more prodding from me, my pal agreed to get the book and give it a shot.
And so now I've told a perfectly nice guy to go out and get this book and start using its methos on women. The book which offers the same strategies that, given so much as a whiff, make me run in the other direction.
Did I trigger a course of action that will unleash yet another douchebag asshole on the unsuspecting ladies out there? Or are my fears of being a pawn in The Game basically unfounded?
I don't trust the propaganda of any secret man society. So I'm just going to have to see what it's all about for myself.
I bought the book months ago with the intention of reading and 'reviewing' it. Now's the time, I believe. I'm going to take The Stylelife Challenge and see if I can 'Master the Game in 30 Days.'
10 comments:
I've definitely been a pawn in the game. I also think that I've unintentionally played it. I think the notches are a major factor in differentiating between notches and your friend, even if he reads the book. Can you see him treating women like that?
The whole game thing is crap. Women who are taken in by that kind of manipulation are exactly that. Easily manipulated, insecure, want any kind of attention they can get. Yeah, it works, but I don't know about on "women of quality."
If everything else you say about your friend is true, then I think your original assessment is probably correct. He's probably just a little shy.
But you don't need to be a "gamer" to meet people. Is playing tricks really a substitute for substance? There are plenty of great women who are happy to go on a date with someone because they have a good personality and self confidence, not because they play parlor games with your head.
Just tell your friend to stick to the basics. Be himself, flirt (a little physical contact tells someone you're interested with nary a word), and don't be afraid to ask for a phone number or ask her out the first time he meets someone - because he may not get another chance. It's much simpler and unlike "game" works on everyone.
I think my opinion on PUA stuff is pretty well known, but...basically, I find it icky. I don't like the one-upsmanship angle to it, I don't like the idea that all women are interchangeable and will respond the same way, and I'm really skeeved at the idea that you're supposed to knock her off her pedestal to win her affection.
Of course, I do live in the real world, in which 95% of human interactions involve angling to get laid and/or propagate the species. But, really, if you have to resort to crass manipulations to get someone into bed, you don't have the sort of genes that deserve to be passed on.
It sounds like your friend is a good guy, and hopefully he'll just use the un-douchey recommendations, like finding a good opener to talk to a girl. That's not game, really- it's just grabbing your balls and giving it a go. If you teach him that, then fabulous.
Well, a lot it is sketchy, and if you don't think so, then ask yourself why none of those guys who produce (or use) that material publish it under their real names.
And yeah, it probably does work on girls with low self esteem, but is that who you want to date? If you have to constantly 'neg' her to bring her down a peg, is that really goiing to lead to a successful relationship?
Anyway, since your friend has a cat (bad sign) I think maybe his shyness is coming off as feminine and that's turning girls off. If he wants to attract women, he probably needs to be more attractive to them. Get him a haircut and go shopping for clothes with him. Tell him to work out more to build his confidence, maybe take up a martial art (jiu jitsu is awesome).
Kristin: I hope the book wouldn’t change who he is. I don’t see him treating women like that at all. Even though our rendezvous were never of the serious variety, he never played games with me, and I never felt like a conquest.
Jamie: You may be very right there. (And, considering I know you’re an incredibly smart woman, you probably are.) But I’m still going to play (from the gamer’s perspective) and see exactly what it is Mr. Strauss is advising these guys to do.
Shannon: The idea of the whole thing (particularly the insult aspect) tends to put me off, too.
LiLu: Definitely my hope as well!
HIN: The friend is actually an ex-military man who (gasp!) already has a great haircut, a good wardrobe, and actual personal style. (Shocking, I know…)
All: Thanks for the comments! I’m looking forward to seeing what actually playing The Game, from a woman’s perspective, will reveal to me. (And, since the friend has officially started the first challenge, you’ll likely get periodic updates on his progress as well. But first, he needs a good name…)
Heh. I'm actually a guy. I had a friend who was obsessed with the game for a while and I heard more than I ever wanted to about it. This guy was a soon-to-be-divorcee who I believe was intent on punishing the entire female gender for his own failures. He gave me a copy of "The Game," I read about 10 pages and it just struck me as... unnecessary.
Jeez especially in DC where the ratio of single women to single (hetero) men is upwards of 2 to 1... if you need "game" to get a date in this town you really need to start by getting out more. Or maybe showering more often.
Dammit! I assumed you were the other (female) Jamie. (Shoulda clicked that link...) Sorry about that!
I haven't picked up "The Game" yet. I might before it's all over, but I'm working with the Stylelife book, which, a full 17 pages in, hasn't proven at all douch-y. We'll see how it goes from here, though.
Men who already have a good "package" just needs to get out of their shell to be able to date with women successfully. Your friend may be a little shy. But aside from confidence, he needs to develop some skills as well. :)
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