Don't Want No Short Short Tramp

I wasn't planning on getting online to date again. At least not immediately. At least not for a while.

But, knowing my technofanatic ex would be changing his status and checking up on my online movements, I did change my status in my seriously neglected (but never deleted) dating site profile. And that, of course, pushed me back into some kind of rotation, which triggered some messages, which I always feel bad for leaving unanswered.

Which is how I found myself on this site, trying to politely respond to some dude who seems perfectly nice in his message but whose screenname indicates he's got a fetish beyond what I'm willing to handle, when some other guy starts IMing me. (Damn those default chat settings!) I forgot how much blog fodder online dating provides...

70sTramp: that smile is trouble
Belle: :)
Could be.
70sTramp: yeah you are trouble alright
Belle: And I bet you are, too.
70sTramp : you know, I grew up with no Internet, computers, cell phones, etc.
Belle: It happens, I suppose.
70sTramp: I didn't have this method of meeting girls available when I was your age so I am trying to catch up
Belle: Seems like you're doing okay.
70sTramp: you got a 70s t-shirt in one of your pics
Belle: Yeah. I love that shirt.
70sTramp: yeah your profile really stands out
70sTramp: do you have a southern accent?
Belle: Depends on where you're from.
70sTramp: Brooklyn, NY
Belle: Then to you, yes.
Around here, people think not so much.
:)
70sTramp: how do you feel about men being shorter than you are
Belle: eh...
70sTramp: what do you mean ?
Belle: Well, I like to wear heels. And I'm no Katie Holmes.
70sTramp: sooooo that means what?
that would make you a conformist you know
Belle: Well, I'm either a conformist or a freak. I like to think neither suits me.
Are you really 5'7"? Or are you a couple inches shorter like most guys on the interwebz?
70sTramp: oh a couple inches shorter of course, I mean shit, you gotta lie right?
and I am married with 4 kids but I gotta lie about that also
and bald
get with the program chickie
Belle: Hey, just wonderin'. I mean... Even tallish guys find a reason to lie about their height on the internet for some reason.
Like I wouldn't notice.
70sTramp: well let's go meet and you can measure me
Belle: Haha. Not sure about that one.
70sTramp: well either put up or shut up, ya know
Belle: That's a nice way to talk to a lady.
70sTramp: I probably pass you on the street everyday anyway, on my daily route of collecting bottles to return for deposits
Belle: A nice friendly chat and you're telling me to get with the program and put up or shut up.
70sTramp: in the 70s do you know what the saying was when we picked up a female hitchhiker?
Belle: Nope.
70sTramp: "Gas, grass, or ass, no one rides for free."
Belle: And this is pertinent because? Am I hitching a ride with you?
70sTramp: I am messing with you hun, I am trying to see if I got a chance of getting a piece of your 27 year old ass.
Belle: Nice. With that statement, the answer is, of course, “Not a chance.” Have a lovely day! :)

I figured he was up to no good with the opening line, but the conversation really started spiraling when I didn't pretend dating a shrimp was going to be my thing.

Seriously, though... Sometimes you need a guy who's inclined (and equipped) to take you up against the wall while you're wearing those hot FMBs.

My guess? 70sTramp ain't that guy.