The Dissimulator, Part Four: Moving in on the Neighbors

Check out Part One, Part Two, and Part Three

This post is a jumble of events I can't quite place chronologically, all of which involve Ditsy and Dopey, the girls next door.

The Bowl Games

At some point while Naïve Nancy was still living in The Dissimulator's apartment, I got tired of him always being around my room while she was at work. I had papers to write and toenails to paint and, you know, just generally wanted Belle time. So, sometimes when he came over, I'd check him in but let him wander around our floor a bit. (Shhhhh! DO NOT tell the hall mother. She's a bitch.) He got familiar with Ditsy and Dopey, the girls next door to us, and often hung out in their room.

The Dissimulator had been talking about taking Naïve Nancy to the SuperBowl and to the (now-defunct) Aloha and/or Oahu Bowl since the first weekend I'd met him. She was all "foozball? Ick!" at first, but I convinced her that was just silly. Hey, said I, I’m not a fan either, but it's the SuperBowl! I mean, that's the game to see if you're going to go! And the other ones? Well, I don't know what the hell they are, but they're in Hawaii, Dipshit. Never say no to a free trip to Hawaii! And she was convinced, or at least she put up a good front.

I was chatting with Ditsy and Dopey one day when they mentioned that The Dissimulator had promised to take them to the SuperBowl. Oh? I asked, Did he promise to take you to some game in Hawaii, too? Their nodding heads affirmed. Yeah, I wouldn't so much count on that.When I told Nancy, she wasn't thrilled, but she wasn't particularly crushed, considering her lack of interest in the sport.

Ditsy and Dopey, of course, did not go to Hawaii or to the SuperBowl with The Dissimulator. The Dissimulator, of course, stopped mentioning these games in the weeks leading up to them. I'm sure he was conveniently called away for "family business" or some such nonsense on the relevant days.

Breakin' Up and Makin' Up

Naïve Nancy answered the phone early one spring Saturday morning. It was The Dissimulator. Unhappy with whatever he was saying, she began whining into the phone. All my empathy and sympathy having been drained at this point, I shoved my head under my pillow and kicked about grumpily until she got the hint that she was disturbing me and left the room.

When she reentered the room, she was sobbing. The Dissimulator had broken up with her. Wait, this is new, I thought. I got up, shook myself to a higher level of alertness, and began trying to comfort her. Although I really did not like to see her hurt, I thought this was best. She needed to be rid of him.

Intending to step down the hall and wet a washcloth for her face, I opened the door to our room. Ditsy and Dopey, carrying overnight bags, passed by just as I did and looked in at the disheveled and obviously upset Nancy. They stopped and asked about her. I glanced back at Nancy for the go-ahead and told them of the morning's phone call.

Ditsy: I hope this isn't because of us.
Belle: Why would it be because of you?
(Ditsy and Dopey exchange looks.)
Dopey: Because we're going to City Below the Sea with The Dissimulator today.
Naïve Nancy: (Suddenly alert) What?!? (Bursts into fresh set of sobs)
Ditsy: We thought you knew...
Belle: No... obviously (Gestures toward Nancy)
Dopey: I didn't know he was going to do that. Nothing's going on with us...
Ditsy: Yeah! Nothing's going on... We're just friends...
(Nancy sobs louder)
Belle: Sure. Look, I need to take care of her.

Ditsy and Dopey didn't change their plans. I spent the weekend doing my best to console Nancy. I let her talk about all the things that were wrong with their relationship. Having not yet learned that it's rarely ever okay to trash your girlfriend's (recent) ex, I probably put my 2 cents in more often than advisable. She vowed she'd never date him again. I did a little dance in my head.

Ditsy and Dopey slinked into the dorm and past our open door two days later without a word. The Dissimulator called within the hour. Naïve Nancy took him back before the night was over. I kicked myself for having been gullible enough to do a mental dance of glee.

Breakin' Up and Makin' Up, Take Two

That whole scenario above? Rinse and repeat. Same actors. Same plot. Same execution (minus the dialog, as Ditsy and Dopey had little to say to Nancy or Belle, and vice versa, after the first trip to City Below the Sea). Naïve Nancy took The Dissimulator back again. Having learned from my previous mistake of premature celebration, I just shook my head at the whole situation.

Ditsy and Dopey might not have been as stupid as their names imply. Very much like Naïve Nancy, they let The Dissimulator try to woo them in the only way he seemed to know how… by throwing his "money" around. Unlike Naïve Nancy, they didn’t seem to get emotionally involved, and they definitely didn’t stick around when the favors started to slow. If you’re going to deal with one, that’s the way you should work a manipulative asshole like The Dissimulator.

I have to admit, my respect for these girls is newfound. It was pretty much hell living next to them for the remainder of the semester. I found their behavior despicable at the time. Naïve Nancy was busy fighting with and fucking The Dissimulator most of the time. Meanwhile, my somewhat misplaced loyalty landed me in a near-daily battle against two fairly fierce girls.

Stay tuned for Part Five.