Play Ball!

Amber: Ms. Stoeger, my plastic surgeon doesn't want me doing any activity where balls fly at my nose.
Dionne: Well, there goes your social life.
- Clueless, 1995

Have I mentioned that some moron called Belle agreed to play softball with a rec team this year?

This was a bad idea for a plethora of reasons. The first of which is that I was always that kid who got pegged with the ball in gym class. Always. The second of which is that, up until two weeks ago, I smoked about a pack of cigarettes a day. Third: That little thing we call hand-eye coordination? ... Practically nonexistent.

Oh, and have I mentioned I know nothing about baseball? I mean nuthin'. Two years ago, when Roommate and I had just met, she invited me to a baseball game. Three or four batters into the first inning, I turned to her and asked (in all seriousness), "Who is that guy standing behind the catcher?"

Ummm... yeah...

So anyway... when I was first asked to join the team, I tried to beg out. I told them how terribly uncoordinated I am. I told them about my lack of knowledge about the sport. To no avail. They needed female players. So Roommate and I signed up.

Apparently, my teammates are somewhat masochistic. They play "to have fun," they say, but we suck so horribly that we're getting slaughtered every time we step on the field. Even though the team isn't quite up to par, I am, as feared and predicted, the worst player by far.

I outdid myself in this week's game though, I must say. After being hit with no less than four pitches* during the first inning, our team came in and I stepped up to the plate to bat.

First pitch: foul
Second pitch: strike
Third pitch: I hit the ball as hard as I could. Through some miraculous (read: logical-trajectory-defying) action, I was immediately smacked in the nose and upper lip with the ball.

Oooooooooooooouuuuuuuuuuch!

Painful and humiliating. Now that's my kind of fun...

* They usually have me playing catcher because I'm so freakin' wonderful at everything else. Of course, I can't catch, either...