On The Southern Homestead
After last Wednesday evening's tears, I managed to make it all the way to the Southern Homestead on Friday without shedding a single one. The visit was mostly good, despite my dread.
I started out keeping notes. The first few looked something like this:
17 minutes after arrivalLittle Bro: I need to get me one of them Vietnamese wives. (In front of his wife, and referencing my cousin's new wife, Asian Bride.)
Belle: Asian Bride isn't Vietnamese.
Little Bro: Well, what is she then?
Belle: Chinese.
Little Bro: I need to get me one of them Chinese wives...
36 minutes after arrivalSister-in-Law: The Mexicans are everywhere now. We were at a gas station the other day and saw a whole school bus full of 'em.
48 minutes after arrivalSister-in-Law: We even got Vietnamese working at McDonald's now. You don't know whether to order a hamburger or shrimp fried rice.
12 hours after arrivalBelle: How do you like living in New Southern Town?
Aunt By Marriage: It's a little dark. (laughs)
Belle: (Utter confusion... Is New Southern Town mountainous? Does it lack street lights?... ??? ... Ohhhhhhhh...)
Aunt By Marriage: But they're good people. They're good people...
Yeah... I just had to stop. I mean, I would've spent the whole time I was there scribbling furiously. Even my cousin who married Asian Bride was spouting homophobic BS the whole time.
My favorite exchange of the trip?Uncle Smartass: How do you like the D.C. area?
Belle: I really like living there.
Uncle Smartass: Yeah, it's a good area... except that it's giving you liberal ideas.
Belle: Well, actually, Uncle Smartass, somehow, despite coming from this family and this state, I managed to develop those liberal viewpoints all by myself before I moved up there. I think I should have my DNA checked...
Obese Cousin: What you need to do is see a therapist. (laughs)
I wanted to point out that the most effective therapy I found came in the form of moving 1,004.30 miles away from the Southern Homestead. Instead, I bit my tongue and just smiled sweetly at Obese Cousin. There is no point arguing or defending my views to these folks. It will do absolutely no good, and I know that. If I want to maintain anything resembling family ties with these people (which I'm ambivalent about, by the way), I'm the one who has to play nice.
Other than those things (and all the similar/redundant incidents I didn't bore you with), the weekend was good. I got to see Father and his side of the family, The Moms, a family with whom I was really close, and my best friend from high school. I spent time with my adorable nephews and even got in a little shopping on The Moms' dime. I came back a little worse for the wear physically (oh, sun, how you torture me!), but mentally as sound as I was before (which may not be saying much...)
It's nice to be back.
9 comments:
Welcome home! I'm glad it wasn't as bad as you expected. Not sure how I would have handled all that bigotry--you are very patient.
Thanks! I'm glad, too...
I'm not really that patient, though. I was silently exasperated and somewhat stressed out by all these goings-on (and more), but I've learned by now that to counter anything they say is just fuel on their fire... the epitome of an exercise in futility.
HAHA! This cracked me up. "Obsese cousin." Glad you're back. :)
As am I, friend. As am I.
Um, I know I heard the majority of this today ont he phone, but I wasn't expecting the "dark" comment, even though with a dad over there, i should have known better.... I didn't even realize what she was talking about until the last line..... They are still in the DARK AGES!!! We could do the same thing though, cause all of "them" over there are like "that".... UGH!! I love you!
yay! you made it back in one piece. thank goodness. i was concerned.
Pissed: Yep. The Dark Ages pretty much sums it up...
H: Thanks! Me too!
OMFG -- no wonder you moved. My homestead is not southern, I hail from a Midwest Homestead. This is (part of) the reason I have not returned to the Bread Basket of America.
My parents often refer to me living on the West Coast. My dad likes to get my goat (notice midwestern lingo hanging on, there) with all sorts of comments and questions designed to ruffle me. Like:
DearDad: It's probably good that Grandson is into sports now. The coaches will do him some good, since you seem to have a lot of those squishy guys hanging around out there.
Me: (? thinking he's refering to muscles, fitness, sports) I don't know, Daddy, folks are pretty fit out here...
DearDad: No, "squishy". Girlymen. oh, I guess that's not politically correct for you Left Coasters. But you gotta admit, having him around a real Man's Man is a good thing, right?
Kill me now. Glad you made it back ok. You could make a series about the characters here. Just a thought.
Oh, my, yes... DearDad sounds much like many of the members of my DearFamily. I'm glad you saved yourself (and your son!) from all that.
A series on the characters of my family? While I'm sure it would entertain, I fear it'd give away far too much of my white trash roots. :-D Still, it's something to consider...
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