The Twilight Zone: Wait, didn't she just break up with you?

One of my friends is currently in the dating Twilight Zone.

Blonde Beauty met ­­­­The Jackass at a Mardi Gras party downtown in 2006. The two began dating, and she held out for what I consider an exceptional amount of time before taking the act to the boudoir. Almost immediately following their first carnal encounter, The Jackass earned his moniker. After many weeks of wining, dining and dancing* and then finally getting some action, he showed his true colors for the first time and basically went MIA.**

Blonde Beauty was, of course, hurt and angered by his sudden departure. She called him out on his inappropriate behavior. He apologized. That didn't quite smooth things over, and the two stopped seeing one another.

Fast forward a bit, and somehow The Jackass started wooing Blonde Beauty all over again. This time, he did a better job from the start, and they entered a relationship that, although not without problems, seemed to be progressing nicely. Blonde Beauty was comfortable with him. It became understood among her friends that the two were a couple. They began spending nearly every day together. He almost had us convinced he was a completely different person from the one who vamped before. Almost.

Then, totally out of nowhere, he told Blonde Beauty that he was being "cautious and guarded" with their relationship. He kept saying that he wasn't ready to move in together, despite that neither of them had actually mentioned even considering such a move. The entire conversation came as a surprise to Blonde Beauty, who had back-burnered any reason she might've had to question their relationship.

There was a great deal of talking, none of which generated an agreeable result. He wanted to slow things down, take a step back. She wanted to know what kind of arrangement they'd have before she signed the deal. Would they go back to just dating? Stop the daily contact? The sleepovers? The sex? He refused to define his request. When she insisted on talking about what he wanted to change, he, in a jackass move as old as time, essentially shrugged his shoulders then tried to shift the blame onto hers. "I'm willing to work at this. Do you not think it's worth it?" And, then, there was a break-up.

After a week or two of complete misery, Blonde Beauty found a message from The Jackass in her inbox. They went to dinner. He told her he was an idiot. Yadda, yadda. Blonde Beauty was wary, but The Jackass said the right things, and they were on again.

It only lasted a day or two before The Jackass came back to tell her he really only liked the idea of her. That she's a great girl with all the qualities he knows he should want, so he was trying to make himself have feelings for her that were never there. Of course, this hurt her more than the original breakup.

Blonde Beauty was burned, unhappy, angry, hurt, depressed. She became fire-shy and wary of any guy who wanted to take her out. When she finally took my advice and did accept a date, she found something she wasn’t ready for. The Jackass’s Twin.

She met Jackass’s Twin at another Mardi Gras party (similarity one). He asked for her number, and they talked on the phone several times before going out. Prior to their first date, Blonde Beauty had already noted several similarities between The Jackass and Jackass’s Twin. They live within on block of each other. They’re both from the same region. They both have siblings in the same city. It just kept going on and on.

Blonde Beauty went out with Jackass’s Twin other night. They had a lovely time together before she found out he’s the same religion as The Jackass.*** This was the last straw for my friend. The similarities were just too great. Even though The Jackass and Jackass’s Twin don’t necessarily share common interests or personalities, the coincidences are far too great for her to ignore anymore.

Even though Jackass’s Twin might be a perfectly wonderful dude, I’m completely in favor of Blonde Beauty’s decision not to see him again. If she did, she’d constantly be reminded of her ex, which is the opposite of what she needs right now.

The whole idea of dating someone else was to help her get over The Jackass and remind her that there are other guys out there much more worthy of her time and affection. Unfortunately, it backfired this time.

* Many of these initial dates were miserable failures by Blonde Beauty's account, but they did sometimes involve dancing.
** Much, much later, he told her she was the only "one-night stand" he'd ever had. Can someone please, please, please get this guy a fucking clue? You don't date a one-night stand for months before having sex with her. If you did, the name would be a misnomer. In his description, I suppose it qualifies as a non-sequitur, but, at any rate, the guy's a freakin' jackass moron.
*** The religion thing had caused its own problems in her relationship with The Jackass, which Blonde Beauty had chosen to work through.