The Resolution: Three-Quarters of the Way There

Today I’m taking a break from discussing CL guys to talk about The Resolution.

I usually don’t make New Year’s resolutions. Why go into a new year setting yourself up for failure? I mean, looking at it, they rarely ever work out, right? No more smoking. Going to the gym daily. Eating healthier. Not talking about people behind their backs. – Most are forgotten by the time Co-Dependent Hell Day hits, if not sooner.

So I’m not sure what it was, exactly, that prompted me to make The Resolution, but I did it. I decided that in 2006 I wouldn’t have sex with anyone unless I was in a relationship. It’d be no biggie if I was like some of my friends who seem as comfortable floating into and out of relationships as they are choosing a restaurant for dinner. “I’ll have the steak, medium-rare. Oh, did you see my new boyfriend? We met last night.” But I’m not one of those girls.

In fact, I have a pretty severe (self-diagnosed) commitment phobia. (And not just in the relationship arena… I need a new cell phone and am paying out the ass for a ridiculous plan, but I haven’t mustered the courage to sign a new contract because they want one for two years, and that sounds like eternity to me. I’ve always wanted a tattoo, but I’ve stuck with piercings because of the sheer permanence of ink on your skin. The list goes on.)

So I suppose last year I felt like it was time to grow up and face this fear head-on (at least in the relationship department). Knowing that, in the past, I’ve primarily been interested in unavailable men (I didn't write this, but I could've.) and never interested in those who are interested in me for anything that remotely hints at becoming serious, I decided to try to trick myself into being open to the possibility of a relationship. Considering how horny I tend to be, The Resolution seemed like a perfect way to do just that. I thought it was a brilliant plan. Turns out that what it’s effectively done is make me celibate. I’m still only interested in unavailable guys and not interested in those who express anything resembling a real interest in me. And I still haven’t gotten laid this year.

Being the forthright person that I am and knowing that many (if not most) of the men cruising through craigslist personals probably are, in fact, looking to get laid (if not immediately, then at least soon), I tend to reveal this information fairly early on in CL exchanges. The responses have been varied, but they tend to group the guys into one of the following categories.

1. The See-Ya Guy - He makes no excuses or pretenses. Once he hears he has no shot at getting laid, all communication ceases and he disappears like a vapor.
2. The Prove-Ya Wrong Guy – He’s game for at least one date. He plays it smooth and tries to see what he can get despite The Resolution. He’s looking for the validation of making me cave. Once he sees that I’m serious, he’s fast on The See-Ya Guy’s heels.
3. The Let’s-Be-Friends Guy – He continues to talk to me, first establishing clearly that he’s not interested in a relationship. Usually he also makes it clear that he's ‘on call’ if (or when, depending on how little faith he has that I can actually hold out) I decide to break the pledge. He maintains periodic contact so I won’t forget him if/when that time of desperation should arise. (I’ve made quite a few new friends. *smile*)
4. The Your-Resolution-Is-Stupid-And-I’m-Pissed-Off-Because-I’m-Not-Getting-Laid Guy – He’s pretty up front about hating The Resolution. It’s been too long since he’s had sex, and he thinks I’m a bitch for not having sex despite having the opportunity when he’s trying to have sex and failing miserably. (Really, it’s obvious. Even skanky, undesirable girls can get laid when they put their minds to it a helluva lot easier than straight guys can. This pisses guys off to no end.) He might also be The You-Should-Screw-The-Next-Willing-Guy-You-Encounter Guy. The name pretty much says it all, although I don’t understand why he’s so adamant that I go have sex whether or not it’s with him. I suppose it’s a brotherhood thing. Perhaps he figures the good karma of convincing me to sleep with some other poor slob who can’t get laid will eventually come back to him or something along those lines.

Notice anything missing from that? What about The I’m-Not-Opposed-To-Dating-Without-Jumping-Right-Into-The-Sack Guy*? Where’d he go? I know, I know. What do I expect meeting these guys on the Internet? What do I think they’re really there for? Still. It’s a Catch-22, isn’t it? They don’t want slutty girls, but they don’t want someone who’s holding out and I’m not even talking for marriage or engagement or anything like that, mind you… just for something along the lines of, “If I’m fucking you, I won’t be fucking anyone else”… is that really so much to ask??

Okay, so I got off on a tangent. Pardon me for that.

Ultimately, I’m really fine with being single. I’d like to meet someone to share my time with, but I’m not just hell-bent on it. I don’t want to get married, so this isn’t some cover-up for an attempt to get a huge rock or anything. It’s actually just what I said it was: me trying to convince myself to be open to the possibility of a relationship. It’s always good to try new things, right? And all bets are off come January 1 anyway, so it's really a small matter now that we're in month 10.

* Not to be confused with The I’m-Ready-To-Get-Married-And-Start-A-Family Guy. This guy really scares me. I’m a commitment-phobe, remember? He’s typically around my age or younger. (Single guys a bit older usually aren’t interested in getting married at all.) His determination to find a woman to be his bride doesn’t appeal to me in any way. In fact, it kind of creeps me out and makes me a little sad. I always wish him the best of luck, though.