The Profile: The Guys Who Attract Me Always Suck (or Is It the Other Way Around?)

I’ve been discussing The Profile with several of you a good bit lately. What it basically boils down to is the type of guy who can attract and hold my attention for any period of time (though that time is almost certainly not lengthy, even if he manages this). Before I describe it here, I want to take a moment to explain something. I do not consciously seek out guys who fit The Profile. I don’t tick off this mental checklist in hopes of finding someone who fits my criteria. The Profile only came into existence when I started noticing a couple trends in the guys I liked (who were and are never good for me. Probably not for anyone, for that matter), and once I started thinking back to others I’d been attracted to, I noticed that the trends weren’t few or far between. And they aren’t good. At least not in the quest for… well, whatever I’m searching for.

Anyway, I look at The Profile as a negative thing. I thought identifying the qualities all these bad-for-me guys had in common would help me refrain from making the same mistake again (and again). Alas, I’m stubborn in my attractions. And no amount of level-headedness on the part of my brain can convince the crazy, falling-for-him part of me to stop, evaluate the situation and run quickly in the other direction before I get too involved. It just doesn’t freakin’ work that way. Oh, how I wish it did.

So, The Profile. He is:

- Extremely intelligent (so far, so good, right? Um… read on.),

- To the extent that he’s socially inept (usually not just kind of a social doofus, but someone who my friends do or will loathe. Along with everyone else in the vicinity of this guy. Yeah, that’s the guy I go for), and

- Seems to be stunted in his career goals/development (probably from a fear of failure-- since he’s so damn smart, he couldn’t live with himself if he wasn’t the best at, well, everything),

- Quite arrogant (some are outright assholes), but not completely unwarranted in his arrogance (he is, after all, incredibly intelligent, remember?),

- Older than me (we’re not talking by months or a couple years, here),

- Dealing (or not dealing, as is sometimes the case) with a psychological issue or several (sometimes the likes of which, in a less PC environment, would’ve had him branded as “crazy” in no time), and

- Unavailable, typically emotionally, but sometimes geographically (and it’s inevitable there’ll be a married one in there one of these days if I don’t break this horrible pattern of fixation).

After recent conversations and reflections on this trend, I just had to get it out for some reason. I’m not the only girl who does this. Hell, guys do it, too. I might be one of a much smaller subset of the population who has analyzed my ‘type’ to this extent (and who has chosen not to focus on the physical ‘type’).

I know part of this whole attraction stems from the fear-of-commitment that’s so ingrained in me. What I don’t understand is why, knowing this and trying to be open and like guys who don’t fit The Profile, I continue falling only for guys who do. Like I said, logical Belle has no control whatsoever over falling-for-him Belle.