Bloodsucking Bitches

The swampy, marshy southernmost regions of The 'Sip are year-round breeding grounds for mosquitoes.

There might be a few weeks of sweet reprieve from the vicious, bloodsucking pests in January or February, when temperatures occasionally dip low enough to kill off that 'other state bird.' Other than that, you've got no choice but to soak yourself in repellent before stepping outside and invest in Citronella products by the dozens when you're hosting a gathering outdoors. Fending off mosquito attacks is a part of daily life.

Stepping outside into the muggy air this morning, I lit my cigarette and joined a small group of smokers congregating in the designated area. A guy who reminds me of Letterman used his cigar to motion toward a mammoth mosquito hovering near me. That's a big one. A big male. Won't bite you. The males don't bite.

Another guy, one of the young hotties from sales, chimed in. But it has a stinger. So it still bites, right? Otherwise, it wouldn't have it. His know-it-all grin let us know he wasn't asking.

The cigar-wielding Letterman look-alike again said that only female mosquitoes suck blood, using it to nourish their eggs.

I exhaled, crushed my cigarette out in the black pebbles, and nodded farewell to my smoking buddies.

Age before beauty, isn't that how the saying goes? Letterman, even surrounded by his foul smelling cigar smoke, was right.

From The Wiki:

Both male and female mosquitoes are nectar feeders, but the female is also capable of haematophagy (drinking blood). Females do not require blood for survival, but they do need supplemental protein for the development and laying of their eggs. Prior to sucking the blood, they inject a mild painkiller, which numbs the host to the pain from the "bite" (Note: mosquitos do not actually bite).

And...

Males differ from females, with mouth parts not suitable for blood-sucking.

Well, shifire and damnation! All those times I was covered from head to toe with the small, misshapen welts from the devil mosquito? Every single one of them was from a female mosquito? Those bloodsucking, traitorous bitches.