Riding in silence sure gives you time to think

My plan was to tell NRA today, before his sister and his brother-in-law got into town and I was obliged to attend dinner with them as I’d promised. That plot was foiled when I first talked to NRA early this afternoon. The sis and hubby were already in town and with him.

Dumping over the phone wasn’t an option, and I thought it would be incredibly rude for me to make a scene in their presence or send him to dinner alone to explain my absence. So I dutifully readied myself and let NRA pick me up.

He realized when I wouldn’t agree to spend the night with him or have him sleep over that something was amiss. He asked for more information repeatedly before we met up with the family, but I insisted we’d talk about it after dinner.

Unfortunately, NRA couldn’t wait that long. He mentioned the other girl’s Valentine at dinner. Then his sister, knowing nothing of the BIG, FAT FUCKING LIE, asked a question about New Year’s Eve, which we all know is a sore subject. Apparently, that was pretty obvious, as was the fact that NRA and I had some talking to do. The sister and brother-in-law excused themselves after dinner, and I was left with NRA.

The conversation was fairly short, but there was nothing sweet about it. I told him the other girl’s Valentine filled me with questions, but that those questions were less important than the fact that I couldn’t take him at his word. As much as I’d tried to trust him, it obviously hadn’t taken. I said I couldn’t see anything progressing if I couldn’t trust him, and I couldn’t see us continuing to see one another if nothing was going to progress.

We spent the next 20 or so minutes in utter silence as he drove me home. At first, I wanted him to talk and was prepared to force out tears to encourage as much. Then I thought that was just… well, stupid. If he really didn’t want to see me go, there was nothing stopping him from at least talking to me. I wasn’t emotional or irrational. I hadn’t yelled or kept him from talking. I even asked him if he had anything to say, and he delivered an emphatic “no.”

So I stopped worrying about what he was thinking. I stopped wondering if he had anything to say to me. I realized I’d been thinking of other things and that I wasn’t really upset. If nothing else indicates I shouldn’t be with him, that alone should suffice.