On The Opener: Fake It to Make It

AJ has been perched against the wall for a few minutes, separated from me and the others only by a few feet. As soon as I join her, he appears.

"So, I have to learn two new or interesting facts before the end of the night." Could've been a decent opener if he played it better, but he rushes it. Doesn't enunciate and project enough to push through the music and barroom noise.

I make him repeat himself, and his smile begins to look like it's a burden to maintain.

"Who gave you the assignment?" AJ asks, throwing him.

He hesitates before saying it's just for him, offering no further explanation. Apologizing when he has to repeat himself. Telling us he should speak more from his diaphragm. And, just like that, he's lost his audience.

He knows it, too. We see it in his body language as he moves to the side, literally slumps against the wall.

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Approaching a group... Getting us involved with an open-ended question... Downplaying any allusions on our part to dating or sex or flirtation...

I thought I'd seen a fledgling Strauss-ite at work, but it turns out his self-help preference was Dating for Dummies. So perhaps Strauss's art form isn't exclusive to the PUA set, after all.

Days 7-9 in The Stylelife Challenge are devoted to the approach, or what Strauss calls The Opener.

First things first, Strauss tells guys to discard any lame-ass pickup lines they might be stockpiling.

"Do you come here often?" "What's your sign? "You must be tired... because you've been running through my mind all day." "Did it hurt?... When you fell down from heaven?"

While sometimes good for a chuckle, these lines are cliched and groan-worthy at best, and entirely skeevy and offputting at worst.

Strauss goes on to tell guys exactly how they should approach a group of people -- by asking an open-ended question that appears spontaneous, is motivated by curiosity, and is interesting to most people. He then offers advice to fine-tune the approach.

Smile. Be original. Be charismatic. Put your audience at ease. Show off your personality. Use your body language to your benefit. Keep everyone in your audience engaged. Know when to make your exit.

That guy at the bar? He was the same twitchy geek when he walked up that he was when he left.

The difference between those first few seconds, when he had our attention, and the last few, AJ long gone and my polite dismissal via handshake? Very briefly when he arrived, he seemed confident, sure of himself, happy, and content. Even if he was faking some or all of those things, he successfully engaged us in a conversation.

When it came to maintaining that? He let two feisty women get the best of him in a matter of mere seconds. Without even meaning to, AJ and I poked holes all in his tinfoil armor, revealing his insecurities and effectively exposing his lack of masculine appeal.

If nothing else, Strauss must do his followers a service in hammering home the importance of maintaining that happy, confident, in-charge facade. Of playing it cool even when you're sweating bullets.

I've played the fake-it-'til-you-make-it game before, countless times in countless situations. There really is something to be said for it.