Who knew? "Breakin' up" ain't hard to do

Tuesday morning, I got to work and Star Wars Boy initiated an instant message. I cut out all the inane talk that preceded and followed this little exchange. Other than names (as always), nothing has been changed with the exception of ordering a few responses to make the conversation flow a bit better toward the end. Enjoy.

SWB: OMG! GH2 arrived today! with the second guitar controller!
Belle: !!!!
Belle: YAY
SWB: I'm quite excited.
Belle: I bet.
Belle: and we know where to find SWB for the next...
Belle: how long do you think?
SWB: *shrug*
SWB: I mean, it's the same place as I would be, regardless
SWB: in front of my beloved screens.
Belle: lol
Belle: ... beloved screens...
Belle: no one can compete with that, really

SWB promptly goes idle.
SWB returns a bit later.

SWB: http://www.suntimes.com/news/metro/194254,triv010207.article
Belle: I like how they reported that she was the yellow piece.
Belle: and it's a serious warning... if you suck at Trivial Pursuit, you could end up hospitalized.
SWB: hey, enquiring minds...

Belle, egged on by the Roommate, plunges forward with indirect-but-quickly-becoming-direct attack.

Belle: btw, nice change of subject there...
SWB: that was a subject?
SWB: I was expected to comment on that?
SWB: are you feeling threatened by my affection for my screens, is that what we're dealing with here?
SWB: seriously?
Belle: threatened? no...
SWB: half-amused, half-embarrassed-for-me?
Belle: heh. perhaps like partially amused, partially wondering how you plan to get to know someone when you'd rather be at home utilizing those beloved screens than doing anything else.
SWB: yyyyyeah. certainly a question for which I've yet to find a good answer.
Belle: well, perhaps you have a couple options...
Belle: one being that you find someone who's just as in love with your beloved screens
Belle: and two..

…after a long pause…

Belle: eh, nevermind
SWB: awwww
SWB: I totally thought you were laying out a plan for me there
SWB: or throwing down a gauntlet
SWB: or something
Belle: perhaps I was throwing down a gauntlet or laying down a plan
Belle: but then perhaps I chickened out because you got all quiet.
SWB: hrm. am I correct in interpreting this as an expression of dissatisfaction with me, or is this more of a light-hearted lark? (sorry for my difficulties parsing...)
Belle: parsing?
Belle: meh
Belle: Let's see. I'm not actively dissatisfied or anything (if that makes sense)...
Belle: and I do realize you have actually left your beloved screens on a few occasions to spend time with me...
Belle: but, I dunno
SWB: parse = transitive verb
1 a : to resolve (as a sentence) into component parts of speech and describe them grammatically
b : to describe grammatically by stating the part of speech and explaining the inflection and syntactical relationships
2 : to examine in a minute way : analyze critically
Belle: lol. thanks
SWB: not to interrupt a very heavy ellipsis
SWB: you were at "but...."
SWB: actually, you weren't.
SWB: you were at "but, I dunno"
SWB: and there was no ellipsis
SWB: but, boy howdy, do I digress
Belle: lol
Belle: I'm getting there!
Belle: just, you know, this whole dating thing isn't all supposed to be easy. Meaning, I suppose, that, initially at least, one probably has to step a little out of a comfort zone (especially if that comfort zone happens to be your living room, unless, of course, the person in question is already just as comfortable in your living room as you)
Belle: and then perhaps later when everyone's a bit more comfortable, you can slip back into worshipping your beloved screens all the time

Still conferring with the Roommate, I used the VERY lengthy pause here to copy and paste all the bits of the conversation with SWB right on over to her window. She egged me on more, begging that I move on to lecturing about Star Wars blankets and kissing styles and a litany of other issues we’ve discussed at length. Then, finally, I received this beauty...

SWB: rrrrriiiight. and so... well... while I'm not sure I understand your meaning, I'm going to go ahead and take this opportunity here while we're talking about, um, 'us', I guess, to be honest with you - I was actually planning on waiting until I see you again, since I think it's probably a poor reflection on me to have this conversation on IM, especially at work, but, essentially, after having (I guess) 'dated' you for a bit now, two monthsish, I'm convinced that though I'm very fond of you and like you a lot, I don't/won't "love" you in the romantic sense - which I hope doesn't leave you feeling totally pissed off at me, I really don't know what else to say about it, except that I think I've been in love before, at least enough to know what it feels like, and it always happened pretty damn fast, and I don't think it's happening here, and... so then to continue on trying to make it happen seems sort of like a waste of both our time.... which is not to say I hold any grudges or anything, like I said, I like you a lot, I think you're cool, I just... don't think we should continue 'dating', as it were...

Oh my. Did he just... Whoa. Yay! I don't have to tell him anything! But, wait, boo. I was totally going to give him this talk (minus all the love stuff, ick) next time I saw him. That's so not fair. But, wait! This is much easier! Yay again!

Belle: cool. No offense taken. I wasn't really feeling it either. And I'll leave it up to you if you'd like to still be friends, 'cause I'd potentially be up for that, since, aside from the making out, that's kind of what we had going here anyway. but, if not, I'm cool with that, too.
SWB: yeah now I feel really guilty for having this conversation here.
Belle: no, you really shouldn't
SWB: but yeah, it'll be basically the same, except I'll see you much less, and we won't hold hands. or probably make out.
Belle: probably? hehe.
SWB: but we'll talk on IM still!
Belle: good. You entertain me. When you're on your game, that is
SWB: heh.
SWB: yeah I'm pretty hit or miss.
SWB: and one day you'll give me my books back.
Belle: Yeah, well you had to loan me the epic-length one, so... it's gonna be a while
SWB: this is actually how I kinda knew.
Belle: what is actually how you kinda knew?
Belle: IM?
SWB: no, that I'm hit or miss with you.
SWB: I treat you like a friend more than a girlfriend.
Belle: actually, I've said the exact same thing
SWB: what, that I treat you more like a friend than a girlfriend?
Belle: And, I feel it's my duty to say, that while it was totally fine for this to happen with me on IM, I'm in no way okaying it for use ever in the future 'cause it would probably be the worst thing ever to do to any other girl
Belle: and, yes, more like a friend than someone you're dating
SWB: yeah I really was trying to wait and do it in person but... I just saw that opening and... well... here we are.
Belle: actually, it's good. After the last time we hung out... yeah...
Belle: basically we just saved lots of awkward face time with lots of trying not to hurt anyone's feelings.
Belle: Again though, this is like never, ever, ever going to be okay with any other girl.
Belle: (And I'm not saying that to actually mean it's not okay with me.)
SWB: holy shit! did we actually just arrive at a mutually agreeable 'break-up'?
Belle: haha. You can't break up with someone you aren't officially, exclusively dating, can you?
SWB: hence the quotes
Belle: hehe
SWB: funny that this was our only real 'us' talk
Belle: the only necessary one though, no?
SWB: definitely.
Belle: and you totally owe me stories from the sex show
Belle: now that we're just friends, you have no excuse.
SWB: and you owe me two books
Belle: you'll get your books, dammit!
Belle: I'm no thief
SWB: hehehehe