One More Time: Giving it a go with NRA

All right, all right. Perhaps I was hasty in saying it was over with NRA Guy. No, probably not really. I was certain it was over when I wrote that post. And, had he not contacted me until after the girl left, it really would have been over.

But he did contact me. The day after I got the pass and dropped off his stuff. And the next day. And the next. And even when we were having our really tense, unhappy conversations about the big fat fucking lie and the whole weekend/parking pass fiasco, I couldn’t bring myself to be really mean to him or do anything that would make him want to cut all ties forever. I’ve done it countless times before. It’s a safety measure I use because I know in moments of weakness or drunkenness or stupidity, I might just land back in some jerk’s arms. But, with him, I didn’t want to do that. I didn’t want there to be no possibility of getting back together.

So we had a really, really long talk the other night in person. Overall, it was good.

He admitted the whole deal was pretty much his fault (with some lame attempts to put little, tiny things on me), but we agreed that everything snowballed out of control really quickly. He says he was trying to do the right thing by telling me about the lie, and I think he was. Everything after that can basically be chalked up to failure to communicate, drunken stupidity, and childishness.

He told me that after I ended the shortest relationship ever, he thought we couldn’t move forward. He’s only had bad experiences once anyone’s taken a step back in a relationship, so he was upset when I removed the title because it indicated the beginning of the end to him. He said part of him was ready to run right then.

He admits he has communication issues that reach even deeper than mine, but he’s working on saying what he thinks instead of leaving me to wonder and guess. (I tried to tell him it’s never in his favor when I’m coming up with the scenarios to explain behavior or situations. He'll almost always be better off telling me about it than leaving me to my own devices.)

He took issue with my vindictive little stabs when I gave his things back. I don't think I apologized. I thought they were particularly clever, and I was justifiably mad at the time. I found out he did some of his own stabbing, although in ways I never would've known about if we didn't get back together. (Aw... he cares.)

He's back to talking in future tense. I'm still resisting my nearly-overwhelming urge to run every time he mentions something like next New Year's, for instance. He called me his girlfriend a couple times, and I didn't hurl. But he knows the title isn't actually in place.

I didn't invite him to my birthday celebration tomorrow, explaining that it's not the best time for him to meet the friends. He needs time to redeem himself in everyone's eyes. Let's hope he can.

I'm trying really hard not to bring the whole thing up all the time, which is proving difficult. Whenever lying or fighting or anything comes up in a song or on T.V. or in our conversation, it causes a little moment of each of us wondering how we should address it, if at all.

He’s not perfect. I’m not perfect. Things aren’t perfect between us. But they’re better, for the moment, and it seems we’re going to see where this goes.